It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
