When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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