Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
