I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
