So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
