That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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