They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize