what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
