my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Shame is for Republicans.
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