I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
