It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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