Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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