Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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