those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
