No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
