Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
