Fine. I'll sleep in my office
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Text me some of your sweat
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
