dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
