Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
