threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
