I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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