Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
