The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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