my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
