when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
