its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
