Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
