I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
