yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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