i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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