3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
