he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
