There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
