just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
