i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
