tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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