He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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