Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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