if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
