I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sarcasm needs its own font
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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