Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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