just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
