I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how drunk are you?
Several
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
