I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
