You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
