Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize