turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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