i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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