Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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