You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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