I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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