In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
