its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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