dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
