friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
