Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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