i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.