Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
