I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila