Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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