This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
