you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
