My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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