im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
