a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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