i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
