? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
