Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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