she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
