i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
