you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
