There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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