She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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