go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
