Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you win again, gameday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
did i just pee glitter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
