4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
