Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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