new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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