I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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